Everyone has something that they absolutely would not be able to put up with in a partner. It could be something small like not wanting to date someone shorter than you or it could be something big like your partner not wanting kids. Whatever your deal breakers are, it’s very important to think about them, even if you’re not in a relationship. Having a solid idea of what you don’t want in a partner can be really helpful when perusing the dating pool. It makes finding a decent guy a lot easier. Knowing what questions to ask on the first date to weed out the bad seeds can avoid a lot of heartbreak and wasted time. I will list some deal breakers of my own below but the point of this post is to get you thinking about your own deal breakers.
For my entire life I have been very vocal about the fact that I would never date someone who smokes. I don’t want it in my house, I don’t want it on my clothes, and I certainly don’t want to be kissing someone who smoked. It’s expensive, it’s smelly, and it’s not cute. Stop.
Not Liking/ Being Cruel to Animals
I love animals and I plan to adopt a dog as soon as my lifestyle supports that. It may be a few more years but it honestly hurts me to not have a pet around. I love them so much. I could never be with someone who didn’t want a pet or was cruel to animals.
I’ve definitely talked about this in other blog posts but I do not want kids. Whether you think that’s weird or not, you can’t argue that I should definitely be with someone who shares the same views on children. Something you see in movies all the time is people who break up after years of dating because one wants kids and the other doesn’t. It confuses me that this isn’t something they would talk about before then. This is definitely a conversation you should be having right away, especially if you are graduated university and in careers. My boyfriend and I talked about this very early on in our relationship. It naturally comes up in conversation.
Excessive Drinking/Going Out
I don’t really drink or go out often. This doesn’t mean I can’t be with someone who drinks. My partner doesn’t have to be sober but beyond having a few social drinks, I don’t tolerate large amount of alcohol consumption. I don’t see the need to be buying and drinking excessive amount of alcohol and going out and getting wasted on the weekend. It doesn’t appeal to me and neither does a partner who does that. I don’t want to have to worry about what my boyfriend is doing at the bar with his friends. This goes way past trusting your partner to make good decisions because when they drink that much, they can’t possibly be making good decisions. My partner and I hardly ever drink alcohol and I’m totally ok with that.
I’m clingy, I don’t want a long distance relationship. I can’t see that working for me and I won’t put myself through the pain of trying it just to have it fail.
I won’t date someone who has cheated in the past. If I wasn’t told about it until later on in the relationship that’s an even bigger red flag because they weren’t up front about it. In my experience, people don’t change all that much, no matter how much you may want them to. I wouldn’t want to put myself into a position where I could be cheated on. Life is too short for that.
Bad with Money
This one is a bit subjective because everyone has their own definition of what ‘bad with money’ means. In my mind, I don’t want to start dating someone who is in debt or can’t pay rent every month. That just spells trouble. Those people need to figure out their own lives before bringing another person into it.
I’ve realised over the years that I need someone who is on the same page as me, not 3 chapters back. It’s hard to connect and get along with someone when they are behind you in life. If you’re ready to settle down, buy a house, and have a kid (not talking about me, just generally), then how can you be with someone who can’t even keep a house plant alive and doesn’t know how to run the dishwasher? I know this sounds dramatic but you would be surprised by the kinds of guys you will meet.
These are some of my relationship deal-breakers. I’d love to know some of your in the comments!!